Quotes, Quips, and Misstatements
Negative Political Campaign Ads
Many voters decide who they hate or fear the most and then vote for the other candidate. It’s only logical that
candidates give voters reasons to hate or fear their opponent the most.
Private Contractors Overcharge in Iraq
How will Iraqis learn the finer points of capitalism if
American businessmen don’t show them?
Manager: You sent for me, sir?
CEO: Sit down. Your budget is way to high. Every year you ask
for more. You seem to want every last dollar this company has.
You’ll have to learn to do more with less. If you can’t find a
way, I’ll have someone else do it. Do you understand?
Manager: Yes sir.
CEO: Good. Now get out. I have a meeting with those
environmental nuts. They just can’t understand how badly we
need to develop those last 6 acres of the estuary.
Mexican "Guest Worker" Program
What’s the point of letting them in if they can’t be
exploited and forced to work for lower wages and under worse
conditions than American workers would tolerate?
Values as a Campaign Issue
My next speech should stress the importance of character
and values. We also need some new dirt on my opponent and a few
more accusations to keep him on the defensive.
Many communities are finding dangerously high levels of
pollutants in their drinking water. We need a program to
convince people that it’s their patriotic duty to drink
poisoned water for the good of the economy. Since there could
be long term health consequences, we also need to ask congress
to protect insurers by exempting them from paying for
God on our side
Let us make god in our own image. Let us give him our
intolerance that he will hate all those whom we hate. Let us
give him our ignorance that he will fear everything that we
Lower Corporate Taxes
Do we really want to get in a long fight to legislate
lower corporate taxes? There are already plenty of loopholes
and overseas tax shelters. We just need better lawyers who can
show their corporate clients how to reduce taxes using existing
Requiring hospital emergency rooms to treat everyone, even
those who can’t pay, increases costs for the rest of us. Those
of us who can pay should always carry contact information for
our next of kin or insurance company. If we’re worried about
losing our wallets during a mugging and beating, we can tattoo
the information in various places in case it’s not clearly
visible on a swollen, mangled body part. Hospitals could then
quickly verify our ability to pay for any life-saving
procedure that might be needed. How could that not save money?